So this is Christmas ...

It's Christmas Eve, the first without my Dad and brother. Their places at the Christmas table will remain, well, just places.

I'm not home for Christmas this year. Last year was Mom and Dad's turn to visit. I'm cowardly happy that I am not there for this first Christmas without Dad at home. The home he provided, the home he took care of and the home we know.

I don't know how to be home without him. I don't know how to have grown-up emotions and be strong and deal with this. It's just too hard.
Oh, I am well aware of the reality, but the reality hurts and feels unfair and being real is just too hard!

Their silent voices are deafening, their absence a hurtful sight. And somewhere in the middle I try to find the happy memories and the acceptance.

Life will never be the same.

Dad and Danie, I miss you soooo much. I HATE that you are gone and I find it so hard to let go.

I love you.

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